I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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