Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
