wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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