I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
