i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
