He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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