Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
