hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
