We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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