I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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