yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
