for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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