I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
