It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
