Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
