Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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