i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am naked and annoyed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize