His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
