hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
love makes seman taste better
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
