she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
