I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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