Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
