i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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