Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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