i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
