so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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