the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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