Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wear drunk well.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
