Apparently you make a good broom.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
