Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
