Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
