Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
