I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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