operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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