Please, let me fuck your mom
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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