I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
