The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
