so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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