I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just gargled with NyQuil
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
