You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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