Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
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we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
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