it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
