I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
