Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
