I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just cropdusted the office
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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