WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
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the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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