So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
