Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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