so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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