my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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