I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
