batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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