On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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