I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
