fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize