Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
