oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
