Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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