I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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