remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
